Venti Eggnog Latte

This is how it happened. I procrastinated, I waited too long, I put it off, I cut it too close to the wire. However you want to say it, that's what happened and that's what put me in the grocery store this morning at 9:30 a.m. the day before Thanksgiving, with both of my one year olds. Yes people Emersyn is still one. 23 months and 3 days is STILL a one year old last time I checked! Bah!

I was lulled into a false sense of security do to the fact that I had Brenna and Griffen here to load them into the car. I was blissfully blocking the fact that I had to drop Brenna and Griff off at school BEFORE hitting the grocery store. I was even tricked by the fact that once I arrived at said grocery store, amid the never ending,

mommymommymommymoiveon? mommmmmmmyyyyyyon! mommymommymommymovieon?,

that there was a parking space right by the door! Yes! What glorious luck, thank you, thank you! And then I started to get them out of our bus, I mean car, hmmmmm...... can't carry both babies in by myself. Ok, lock them in the car, run to the cart corral, grab cart, GO!

Awesome, carts are all wet from our never ending drizzle. Here is the point that I look around like maybe magically some paper towel will appear. Nope, mentally kick myself for talking Brian into cleaning out the kidmobile for me. Finally, use the sleeve of my sweater to wipe the cart down.

Grab Max out of his carseat. Place Max in the car with the belt around him. Reach back in to grab Emersyn, go to place her in the front of the cart, ooops, Max is already twisted backwards and trying to stand up. Throw, I mean gently deposit Emersyn into cart. Twist Max back around and taking a deep breath walk into the store.

Ok, in the store, doing good, stop to get some sweet potatoes. Stop looking at sweet potatoes and turn Max back around, doesn't this stupid belt tighten? Oh sorry lady didn't realize my cart was blocking the whole walk way. Move cart, turn Max around.

Grab my potatoes, grab some pies, the lady in the bakery hands me cookies for the "Cutest little kids, and oh my look at her hair!" Give Emersyn her cookie, give Max his cookie. Emersyn takes a bite, Max throws his on the floor. Perfect.

Moving on, continue you grabbing items on my list, continue turning Max back around, listen to Emmy say "cookiecookiemommymommy" over and over and over and over.

Finally get to the checkout. Turn Max back around, unload cart, agree with the cashier that Emersyn does in fact have just the most adorable hair. Turn Max back around. Ask cashier for suckers so that maybe Max will just stay SEATED!!

Tell the man who is bagging my groceries that I can take them to the car myself as I am going to stop at the Starbucks in the store first. He politely tells me that I have my hands full and he will just wait with me. GREAT!

Pay the cashier, hand Emersyn her sucker, turn Max around, hand Max his sucker, cashier hands me change, Emersyn hands me her cookie and sucker wrapper, I grab my purse, the cart and what's left of my sanity.

Walk down to Starbucks with the Helpful Bagger Man trailing behind me with my groceries. Walk in the wrong way for the Starbucks line, yes she's cute, yes her hair is adorable, yes, doesn't he have the biggest eyes, pick Max's sucker up off the floor, give Max his sucker back (sue me). Hand one of the workers Emersyn's cookie and wrapper for the garbage. And order a VENTI EGGNOG LATTE!

I am going to stop here and not even get into the drama of the parking lot, not even the part where Helpful Bagger Man takes Emersyn out of the cart while I am trying to get Max in the car and sets her down in the parking lot. Not the part where I almost spill my flipping latte, and definitely not the part where I told Helpful Bagger Man that my babies are from Ethiopia and he said it looks like I was doing a good job fattening them up. Nope not going all the way there.

What the hell was I thinking ordering a VENTI EGGNOG LATTE! Do you know how my flipping calories are in that things? Not to mention the sugar and the carbs. I don't think I can eat for the rest of the week. Sigh, I got stressed and ordered the most awful thing possible I think.

Serious, f***ing 610 calories, 27 grams of fat, 69 carbs, and 64 sugars. I know because I came home and checked, you know you really can find ANYTHING on the internet nowadays.

So what do I do? Pour it down the drain? Nope I'm flipping drinking it. I Suck.

Moral to the story: Procrastination is bad!

Crazy Day...

Dropped half a box of Cheerio's on the kitchen floor

Max (aka Stretch Armstrong) dumped my coffee all over the rug and the carpet in the dining room

Brian got a ticket for get this Impeeding Traffic? Seriously?

Had to skip Brenna's volleyball game because Brian had to work late putting up Christmas lights.

Ummm.....5 kids and me in the bleachers, two of whom are 1. Nope.

Missed Alainna's Thanksgiving Feast because

1. I have it on the calander for tomorrow

2. Miss Alainna did not give me the paper she had with a reminder on it

Had Alainna in tears because I missed her Feast even though she was happy as a clam when she walked in. Ooops shouldn't have mentioned that I meant to be there.

I am done with today! I made it through, with NO freaking MT. DEW!!! but now I am done! I am not sure if all these kinds of things happen on a day to day basis ALL the time and I am just noticing because I can't stress eat it away or if this was just a rare over the topper. Whatever the case, DONE!

'til tomorrow

me

Thoughts

This post could take awhile and end up being sort of painful to read. You see I have all these thoughts floating around in my head and I am not sure how they are going to come out. Also I am not taking the time to keep this hanging around in rough draft form until it’s ready for public viewing.

This past weekend, after Brenna’s soccer game, I stopped at The Children’s Place. I had a $20 gift certificate from Place Points that I wanted to use to get Alainna some pants. This store is in one of our HUGE! Malls about 45 min. from my house, I don’t make it out there very often, but we were passing right by on our way home. So I stopped. It was 4:30 Sunday afternoon.

My first clue should have been how full the parking lot was. But nope I was really excited to be able to use my free $20. Brenna and I walked into the store and it was insane. The store was packed, we are talking day after Thanksgiving packed, there were people EVERYWHERE! Remember this is a children’s clothing store. Within 30 min I had located 2 shirts for Max, 2 outfits for Alainna and an outfit for Emersyn. Which, because I have to say it, I spent at total of $19.51 on.

Brenna and I worked our way over to the line. The line which had, OVER 40 people in it. I started to get that feeling you know the one where you know you are about to think profound thoughts but they haven’t quite worked their way to the front of your brain yet. I was looking around and what I saw was parents with children who were dressed no better than my kids in their pajamas. These parents were taking things off of the racks and shelves in piles, I am not kidding PILES. Shirts, pants, shoes all getting one glance and then carried off on a quest to find more. Little ones are sitting in strollers sipping on sodas, and ices, eating pretzels sticks or cookies, while mothers and grandmothers and sometimes fathers hurry around in a spending frenzy. I watched one young mother walk back and forth about a dozen times looking for just the right shirt to go with a pair of stretchy pants for her infant daughter.

And my heart hurt. This is me. All about the status, who can have more, who can spend more, who can beat out the person standing next time them. Does the average person think about what the spending sprees are doing to their finances? Nope. Does the average person know what it is like outside of this country? Nope. Do they care? Nope. How do I stand in the middle of this store seeing what I have seen, knowing what I know and not FEEL this? Am I guilty of being American and believe I deserve it. Yes!

Everyday it’s a struggle to change. Everyday it’s a war within me to be different. Everyday I look in my daughter’s face and my son’s face and REMEMBER! Most days I work hard to be different, but let’s be honest here, some nights I dream of a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte (Venti) @ $4.51 a pop. And some days I cave. I am not talking about giving up all my worldly possessions and making my own clothes. But being smarter, caring more. Does my 6 year old really need a pair of $40 boots? Where is the line? I am embarassed with how many times I said, “My children will only wear name brand clothes.” Instead Though I will still admit that they do wear many name brands, I most often, but not always, buy them for what I would pay at a resale shop. Because it doesn’t really matter, oh my head hurts, I am growing up!

I NEVER set out to feel this way. I NEVER wanted to become this person. I am not strong enough or articulate enough. I LIKED my little bubble. I LIKED my name brand clothing. I LIKED (LIKE) being selfish. Now people laugh at us. And they make comments behind our backs and I know that. Most we know don’t understand us. But in turn I don’t understand them, how can you look at my kids sweet faces and not want to fix the world for them. I could fill this post with pictures and statistics and descriptions of the things that I have seen. But I won’t . If you know you know, and if you don’t I am not going to change your mind with this post.

I am confused how I got here, all I wanted was another baby. Instead my life changed. I am not the person for this. People don’t look up to me, I am not the type to start a foundation, the words don’t come when I need them to and most days I can’t even shower let alone volunteer. If anything, I am as average as they come, not at all the type to change the world. I can’t even stop the people at the Mall.